I originally wrote this back in 2021 for another project but never released it, so I thought with Locktober 2023 descending upon us, why not share it now?
If you asked your average joe on the high-street about chastity and what it was around a decade ago, you probably would have heard an explanation that called to mind 17th century virginal women locked in heavy metal belts as ‘anti-temptation’ devices. However, if you were to google the word ‘chastity’ today, the first image that appears is a metal chastity device designed for men – a good indication that if you were to ask the same question on the high-street now, you may well get a very different answer. Why is that? What has contributed to the increase in popularity of male chastity? Perhaps it would be best to begin by exploring the context in which male chastity is predominantly used.
Predominantly used within the BDSM scene, chastity cages are usually worn by a submissive or bottom male as a gesture of commitment and devotion to their dominant or top counterpart, but these devices prove to be just as popular with single men as they are with those in relationships. By and large, the point of a chastity cage is to stop the wearer from participating in any kind of sexual activity involving the incarcerated penis. Both masturbation and penetrative sex is off the menu for those locked away in chastity – not exactly the golden standard of fun for the general consensus, but that would be merely scratching the surface; the true meaning of chastity runs much deeper than sexual gratification (or not as the case may be), which is certainly one of the reasons male chastity has become so popular, particularly in the BDSM scene where the preconceived notion of sex does not hold precedent.
So, what is the true meaning of chastity if not primarily for sexual pleasure? To answer this one must have a good understanding of both the submissive and dominant mindset and how their wants, needs and desires come together to shape a D/s relationship. For the purposes of this blog, I will be exploring female led relationships which place women in the dominant or ‘top’ role and men in the submissive or ‘bottom’ role.
I think it is safe to say that D/s relationships, generally speaking, have clearer boundaries than vanilla ones. This is because those that participate in D/s relationships usually practice and adopt traditions of BDSM. For many D/s partnerships, BDSM can be an especially important thread that their bond is built around. The most important feature of BDSM is informed consent – it is crucial that those who engage in BDSM are comfortable and happy in order to safeguard the emotional and physical health of every party involved. To achieve this consent, the players must be honest and open with one another in relation to their experience, what turns them on, their hard limits and everything in between. When the right pairing come together, the magic that ensures can inspire some of the most genuine and moving acts of love, adoration and affection imaginable; Chastity being one of them.
It Is quite common practice in a committed D/s relationship for the female dominant to want her submissive to wear chastity. The placing on and locking in place of a chastity device can be a profound moment for both the dominant and the submissive – a physical act that says “I am yours. I am loyal. I am committed. What is locked is yours and yours alone.” With the penis locked away in chastity, the dominant female then becomes the keyholder. Many dominants like to openly wear their subs keys and do so with pride. Some like to wear the key on a necklace, some on a bracelet or anklet, etc. This too is a physical act that speaks volumes: “My submissive is important to me. What is locked is mine and I value it. I am proud of my submissive and their gift of chastity.” If the cage that encapsulates the submissive male’s penis is not enough, the key to unlocking it hanging around the delicate neck of the woman they adore acts as a wonderful reminder as to who is in charge, and why they are locked in the first place.
Naturally, the time the submissive spends locked in chastity will vary from relationship to relationship and may have all kinds of variables attached to it. For example, a dominant woman in a FLR may decide to keep her submissive partner locked in chastity whilst he is at work, the daily routine of the padlock being clicked into place as the dominant female smiles and asks her partner to help fasten the key around her neck before they both get dressed for work becoming a beautiful ritual that helps maintain the special bond they have together. Or perhaps the dominant woman’s partner is going away on business. Perhaps he does not usually wear chastity, but the woman wants him to be locked before he leaves, with the key in her possession. Most likely, the dominant woman has no worry in the world about her partner being unfaithful, but it is the gesture that moves her. She knows that when he is away from her, he is willingly depriving himself of any pleasure through physical stimulation, reinforcing the idea that sexual pleasure is something shared and only on his keyholders say so. Another scenario could be that the submissive male is being locked in chastity as punishment. Perhaps he has not done what he was told, or he has broken one of their D/s rules. Maybe it is just simply because he missed a spot when he was cleaning. A man that is deprived of an orgasm can be a very pliable and apologetic one which can be easily manipulated into the dominant woman’s favour.
Those are just a few examples of male chastity and how it can be used in a D/s relationship, certainly there are countless more, but I think it is already becoming clear just how significant the adoption of chastity into a FLR can be. Symbolism and romanticism aside, male chastity can also offer many benefits to the wearer such as better orgasms and increased productivity. The positive effects of chastity only unravel and become clearer with further investigation, but it can be hard to put into words for somebody who has not experienced it themselves. Nevertheless, here are some of the effects those in chastity and their keyholders may benefit from:
I doubt many eyebrows would be raised if it were suggested that men averagely spend more time masturbating than women. This has been proven in various studies that have been conducted over the years. One study found that the masturbation gap between men and women in the UK stands at 76%. Womanizer found that men masturbate at an average of 154 times per year, compared to just 49 times for women. Of course, it is difficult data to collect accurately due to the stigma that still stands around masturbation and sex, so it would be fair to assume that these statistics could be much higher. Additionally, there is no real measure for how much of a persons day is consumed by thoughts of sex, but one could easily speculate that if men masturbate more than women, men must think about sex more often than women, too.
Many men that I have spoken to with extended experience with chastity admit that they spend more time doing tasks and chores that they would otherwise put off when they are in chastity. Many also report better clarity of mind once the initial frustration of being locked wears off. Could this be because these men are spending less time thinking about masturbation as a result of not being able to act on their urges to do so?
Better sex life
The term ‘death grip syndrome’ is purportedly credited to the sex columnist Dan Savage and refers to the desensitisation of the penis by hyperstimulation. This syndrome can often lead to conditions such as anorgasmia (AO) and delayed orgasm (DO). Studies have shown a correlation between DO and men with idiosyncratic masturbation practices. On top of this, the study reveals that increasing the frequency of masturbation can cause the sensitivity of the penis to decline which in turn creates a vicious cycle where the man increases masturbation force to counteract the decline in sensitivity, therefore leading to worsening DO.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition, states that only 25% of men routinely achieve orgasm in all sexual encounters. There is no denying that there are a number of other factors that can lead to DO including: mental health, medication, endocrine disorders and age to name a few, but the research is undeniable: hyperstimulation of the penis can lead to desensitisation and DO.
It is also important to explore orgasm inequality – A study by NSSHB in 2009 showed that 85% of men say that their partner had an orgasm during their last sexual event, whereas only 64% of women who report having had an orgasm at their last sexual event, and only 25% of women are ‘consistently orgasmic’ during vaginal intercourse. I believe this is because sex has been taught to us in a way that centres penetration above all else. Foreplay is an incredibly important and often neglected part of sex. The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy took a poll of 1,000 women aged 18 to 94 and most of them said that they cannot orgasm without clitoral stimulation.
A healthy relationship for the majority of people relies on both partners feeling sexually fulfilled and satisfied and penetrative sex may well be best way to orgasm for most men, but it is certainly not the best way for most women to orgasm.
If the male submissive in a D/s relationship is kept in chastity without the ability to masturbate and is entirely reliant on the female dominant to dictate when and how he can orgasm, the male submissive must learn to become more attentive and responsive to the sexual needs and desires of his female dominant. For example, a female dominant may choose not to allow her submissive counterpart to orgasm until he has first made her orgasm. Without his ego hailing his penis as the orgasm-giver, he must instead channel his sexual energy into pleasing his partner in other ways – other ways that have been proven to be more likely to allow her to fully focus on her own sexual pleasure and orgasm.
Research shows that sexual function in women is significantly associated with their dyadic satisfaction and their overall marital relation. In other words, women are more likely to need to feel happy in themselves and their relationships in order to achieve satisfactory sex with their partners. By contrast, for men sexual health often reflects physical health. This is also intuitive as the most common sexual disorders are due to issues around desire and erection.
A man in chastity that is not pre-occupied with himself and his chances of getting sex is more likely to become more finely attuned to their female partners mental health and body language. Over time it will become clearer to him that the more attention and devotion he dedicates to his partner, the happier and more likely they are to want to engage with them in day to day life as well as the bedroom.
Taking a step away from a mind that is obsessed with sex and sexual gratification can drastically improve relationships in many ways, as a partnership that is suffering from sexual pressure is likely to have fractures in other key components of the relationship. For this reason, chastity can be a helpful tool in many D/s relationships to maintain a perfect balance that benefits both the submissive male and the dominant woman.
It is clear to see that the implementation of chastity into D/s relationships can be an incredibly profound and positively life-changing thing; with plenty of benefits for both the wearer and the keyholder, and with the popularity that now seems to surround the topic, chastity cages of all types are readily available for purchase online, so why not try it? Alone or with a partner, I can promise you one thing – it won’t be boring!